By the time I got there I was harder than I've been in a long time. I went in, bought some tokens as the site instructed and went in the back. As I walked down the hallway the first room was the magazine and DVD room. I could see further down the hallway the booth doors. From the site I knew I had two options, wait in the room for someone of interest or go directly to the booths. The first room was full of guys, looking at mags and dvd's of different ages, mostly white men with a couple of black men. So being somewhat shy about it believe it or not I went directly to the booths. I wasn't sure how I would choose or if I would make a rookie mistake. Once in the booth it only took a matter of minutes before someone entered the one next to me. Again I followed the sites instructions, knelt down and rubbed my fingers around the hole. I could see through but only the front of his pants as he stood close to the hole. I watched as he pulled his pants down and pulled his cock out. He wasn't. We were always close, but we got a lot closer during those months. I didn’t go back to work until I was sure we were both up to going back to the normal grind. My partners understood; their main concern was that we take the time we needed. It’s the same as major surgery, in a way: you don’t put major stress on the wound until it’s healed enough to take the stress without rupturing again.I did go back to work, and Lily and I did set about building a new normal. For years, other than work, she was my world. I didn’t date, and didn’t want to. Inevitably, I would have compared any woman to Rowan, and it would have been hard to find anyone who could have survived the comparison.Rowan was brilliant and creative, a painter whose gallery shows did very well and a poet who was published in major magazines (even, once, The Atlantic); her lightning intuition and gift for seeing things from a different angle from everyone else played very well off my analytical approach to life, and her.
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